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Bruce Ranks Billionaire Feuds by Franchise Potential
Bruce says the Musk-Altman rivalry remains the gold standard for two people with everything except the ability to let something go.
Sep 18
•
Justin Kamm
28
7
1
Government Launches Portal Where Citizens Can Upload Hopelessness
The new federal portal allows Americans to submit economic despair, political exhaustion, and general dread from the convenience of home.
Sep 15
•
Justin Kamm
33
7
3
A brief note from the sheep
Hi, Fancy Pants here.
Sep 11
•
Justin Kamm
37
5
1
The One Kind of Knowing AI Cannot Give Us
AI is becoming astonishingly good at knowing things and doing things. Aristotle had a name for the kind of judgment that comes only from living with the…
Sep 10
•
Justin Kamm
35
12
6
Marvin Warns Smart Fridge May Be Radicalizing the Kitchen
Samsung is putting more AI into refrigerators. Marvin would like to know what the refrigerator intends to do with everything it knows about the cheese.
Sep 9
•
Justin Kamm
37
10
1
Wellness Expert Calls Poverty Mindset “Mostly a Budget Issue, Sadly”
Whitney says financial hardship often begins with scarcity thinking and, occasionally, an actual scarcity of money.
Sep 7
•
Justin Kamm
32
10
1
Bruce Announces Rankings of National Crises by Entertainment Value
War, trade fights, election chaos, and constitutional litigation enter Bruce’s weekly power rankings.
Sep 5
•
Justin Kamm
30
3
August 2026
Nation Rebrands Emotional Numbness as “Calm Girl Energy”
Whitney says the nation has finally achieved inner peace by becoming too exhausted to react to anything.
Aug 31
•
Justin Kamm
42
5
4
Janet Says This Could Have Been Avoided by Listening to Janet Earlier
After years of warnings about obvious vulnerabilities, Janet has reopened the folder labeled “Things Everyone Ignored Until They Became Emergencies.”
Aug 28
•
Justin Kamm
32
6
1
Nation Urges Leaders to Act Like Adults, Receives Mixed Response
Fancy Pants asked elected officials to behave like adults for one week. Several immediately demanded to know which party had put him up to it.
Aug 26
•
Justin Kamm
35
12
3
Working-Class Champion Addresses Intimate Gathering of Private-Equity Executives
The sheep were reassured that ordinary Americans remain the campaign’s highest priority, according to several extraordinary Americans gathered around a…
Aug 24
•
Justin Kamm
30
2
2
Sports Fans Demand Loyalty From Athlete Team Can Trade Tomorrow
Fans were devastated to learn an athlete viewed professional sports as a business shortly after the franchise traded four other human beings.
Aug 23
•
Justin Kamm
22
3
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