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Fancy Pants Interviews the New Leaders of the Same Old Washington
Voters delivered a blue tsunami. Washington responded by placing Chuck Schumer and Hakeem Jeffries gently on top of it.
Nov 5
•
Justin Kamm
46
11
8
Nation Discovers Election Integrity Involves Extremely Boring Procedures
Fancy Pants says a secure election requires counting every valid vote, including the deeply inconvenient ones cast for someone you dislike.
Nov 3
•
Justin Kamm
46
7
4
October 2026
America Mistakes Authority for Expertise Again
America’s leading qualification for expertise continues to be standing behind the correct podium.
Oct 31
•
Justin Kamm
36
2
5
The Child Who Thought Grown-Ups Would Protect the Truth
The sheep explain that truth survives through something far less impressive than an institution: people willing to defend it.
Oct 29
•
Justin Kamm
49
3
4
Simone Says Change Starts With Listening, Then Talks for Forty Minutes
Simone believes lasting change begins by hearing every voice, immediately after she finishes explaining what everyone should think.
Oct 26
•
Justin Kamm
35
4
2
Sports Desk Confirms Referees Still Responsible For Everyone’s Childhood Issues
After another weekend of controversial calls, Bruce and Frankie confirmed the referees remain responsible for anger dating back several generations.
Oct 23
•
Justin Kamm
31
2
3
Poll Finds Americans Prefer Candidate Who Does Not Exist
The unnamed candidate supports lower prices, competent government, normal behavior, and has never appeared on cable news.
Oct 21
•
Justin Kamm
43
7
1
Farmers, Be Careful With Airbnb’s $10,000 Gift
Airbnb is offering farmers up to $10,000 to build farm stays. Before taking the money, farmers should ask what Airbnb gets in return.
Oct 17
•
Justin Kamm
42
8
2
Whitney Says America Is in Its “Needs a Snack and a Nap” Era
After reviewing prices, politics, war, and the general emotional condition of the republic, Whitney has prescribed crackers and an early bedtime.
Oct 15
•
Justin Kamm
47
6
1
Fancy Pants Says Crisis Reveals Deep Need for Fancy Pants
After reviewing war, inflation, political chaos, and several alarming headlines, Fancy Pants concluded the situation clearly requires additional Fancy…
Oct 13
•
Justin Kamm
37
6
3
Nation Watches Documentary to Confirm Famous Person Had Feelings
The flock spent two hours learning that an extremely famous person had parents, insecurities, regrets, and at least one difficult period.
Oct 9
•
Justin Kamm
32
8
Who Owns Dinner?
Farmers are struggling. Families are paying more for food. Somewhere between the two sits an increasingly small group of enormous companies.
Oct 7
•
Justin Kamm
38
8
3
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