The sheep were encouraged today after a congressional candidate promised to fight relentlessly for America’s forgotten working families during a private fundraiser attended by 34 people who had never been forgotten by anyone.
“Washington has ignored ordinary Americans for too long,” the candidate told guests as servers quietly replaced the wine glasses.
Fancy Pants checked the invitation. Tables started at $12,000.
Simone asked whether any ordinary Americans had been invited to the event.
A campaign aide explained that ordinary Americans would participate later by receiving seventeen text messages asking for $12.
The timing felt especially appropriate. With the 2026 midterms approaching, congressional candidates and political committees have already raised billions of dollars, much of it while promising to reduce the influence of powerful interests in Washington.
Marvin studied the arrangement carefully.
“So wealthy people give politicians money,” he said, “and then politicians spend the money explaining how angry they are about elites?”
Janet confirmed that this was legal.
Bruce and Frankie immediately launched a grassroots fundraising package called The Populist Platinum Experience, featuring valet parking, lobster, and a brief opportunity to hear someone say “Main Street” near a fireplace.
The candidate closed the evening by promising to give government back to the people.
Simone looked around the room.
“Which people?”
Nobody answered.
They were busy bidding on dinner with the candidate.