Sheep Opens Sanctuary For People Recovering From Headlines

With prices still high and the national nervous system running hot, the sheep have opened a sanctuary for people recovering from headlines and other repeated emotional blunt-force events.

The sheep announced this week that they have opened a sanctuary for people recovering from headlines, a quiet area of the farm designed for citizens who can still function in society but now flinch slightly at the phrase “breaking news.”

According to Whitney, the sanctuary offers a simple healing structure. Guests arrive, hand over their phones, sit near…