Rules Suspended Until Rules Become Convenient Again
Officials assured the flock that America remains governed by laws, except during emergencies, elections, deportations, tariff announcements, and moments when the laws become inconvenient.
The sheep were relieved Monday after federal officials confirmed that the nation’s rules had only been temporarily suspended and would return as soon as they became useful again.
Fancy Pants received the clarification while reviewing recent arguments over tariffs, immigration raids, citizenship, court orders, and the increasingly ceremonial role of congressional authority. Officials assured her that the rule of law remained perfectly healthy and was simply “working remotely.”
Janet asked whether laws were supposed to restrain government power.
“Certainly,” an official explained. “They restrain the next administration.”
Marvin compared the system to a farm gate that remains firmly locked until the farmer wants to drive through it. Whitney called it “constitutional flexibility.” Bruce and Frankie began marketing commemorative pocket Constitutions featuring several removable pages and a coupon for emergency executive authority.
The flock noted that leaders currently invoke law with tremendous passion when discussing migrants, protesters, universities, cities, and people sleeping outdoors. The same leaders become amateur philosophers when courts limit presidential power.
“Rules require context,” officials explained. “Our context is that we would like to continue.”
Fancy Pants pointed out that the country once advertised checks and balances as a central feature of the republic. She was told those checks had recently failed to clear.
Janet then proposed a simple standard: laws should apply whether they help or inconvenience the people in charge.
The room became silent.
Several officials inspected the ceiling. One requested a classified briefing. Another accused Janet of supporting chaos.
By sunset, the government released a statement reaffirming its profound respect for constitutional order while reserving the right to ignore it during periods of urgency, necessity, national interest, political opportunity, administrative preference, or poor personal mood.
The rules are expected to return shortly before the opposition takes power.