The sheep confirmed today that America’s political class has once again discovered rural America, approximately five weeks before millions of rural Americans become temporarily valuable.
Fancy Pants noticed the shift when candidates began appearing in diners, barns, county fairs, machine sheds, and fields where nobody had previously seen them.
“They seem fascinated by us,” he said. “One senator touched a tractor.”
Marvin reported a sharp increase in photographs of politicians wearing brand-new work boots beside people whose boots had visibly performed work.
Simone remained suspicious.
“Where were they when the hospital was closing?”
A campaign aide explained that hospital closures lack the strong visual storytelling potential of holding an ear of corn.
The renewed interest comes as rural voters report frustration with grocery prices, healthcare costs, and local economies, while both parties intensify efforts to reach them before November.
Janet distributed a checklist to visiting politicians:
Mention family farm.
Say heartland.
Enter diner.
Ask farmer what he grows while standing directly beside it.
Promise never to forget rural America.
Bruce and Frankie opened a pop-up shop renting candidates authentic rural accessories, including faded caps, plaid shirts, and a coffee mug reading JUST TALKING WITH FOLKS.
By afternoon, three campaigns had booked the deluxe package.
Fancy Pants watched another motorcade disappear down the road.
“When do they come back?” Marvin asked.
Fancy Pants checked the calendar.
“Probably 2028.”
The sheep returned to grazing.
Washington promised to stay in touch.
Can't say I'm not happy with the Flock making a bit of money off these oppertunistic henchmen! They know who the jokes on :)