Officials Say Public Has Lost Faith in Institutions, Which Is Rude
Officials say years of secrecy, corruption, incompetence, and selective rule enforcement hardly justify the public’s increasingly negative tone.
Federal officials expressed disappointment Tuesday after learning that the American public had lost faith in major institutions, describing the development as “hurtful, unnecessary, and honestly a little rude.”
Fancy Pants received the statement during a briefing where leaders from Congress, the courts, federal agencies, universities, banks, media companies, and several heavily investigated corporations gathered to discuss why everyone had suddenly become so judgmental.
“We work very hard to maintain the appearance of stability,” one official said. “Then the public arrives with questions about corruption, conflicts of interest, disappearing records, selective enforcement, and why nobody important ever seems to face consequences.”
Janet asked whether institutions might rebuild trust by behaving more honestly.
The room reacted as though she had suggested releasing wolves into a preschool.
Officials explained that trust is traditionally provided by the public in advance, much like a security deposit that institutions remain free to spend on undisclosed travel, emergency powers, and consulting contracts awarded to former roommates.
Marvin presented a chart linking declining confidence to decades of broken promises. The chart was immediately classified to protect national morale.
Whitney suggested a restorative listening session. Officials agreed, provided the public listened while institutions explained why criticism was damaging institutional wellness.
Bruce and Frankie proposed a national confidence campaign featuring flags, orchestral music, reflective beverages, and footage of marble buildings filmed from reassuring angles.
Fancy Pants finally asked what institutions planned to change.
“We are launching a task force,” an official replied. “Its first priority will be determining why people keep asking that.”
By sunset, the task force released its preliminary conclusion.
Public distrust was caused by misinformation, polarization, social media, declining civility, and an alarming tendency among citizens to remember previous events.
Institutional conduct was cleared of involvement.