Flock Demands Strong Leadership From Someone Else
As Washington continues its search for courage at a safe distance, the sheep have formally requested strong leadership from someone else, ideally someone willing to endure the first consequences.
The sheep announced this week that the country urgently needs strong leadership from someone else, a position they described as principled, forward-looking, and consistent with the broader American preference for courage at a tasteful distance.
Fancy Pants opened the meeting by explaining that the moment clearly demanded steadiness, clarity, and a willingness to make difficult decisions. He then added that the flock would be delighted to support those qualities once they had been identified in another individual with stronger knees and a more expendable afternoon.
Janet praised the proposal as administratively realistic. Simone called it spiritually familiar. Marvin said the search for outside leadership had already become “a major national growth sector,” especially in systems where everyone agrees the stakes are historic and then spends the next several hours discussing who else might be available to take the hit.
The sheep said the whole conversation felt painfully current. Leaders across the country continue to speak in urgent terms about institutional strain, democratic fragility, and the need for principle. At the same time, many of those same figures keep carrying themselves like men and women waiting for a better man or woman to arrive and save them from the inconvenience of acting first. Bruce and Frankie described this as “alpha energy outsourced to committee.”
Whitney said the problem was not a lack of concern. The problem was a surplus of spectatorship among people standing unusually close to the controls. Fancy Pants agreed. He noted that a great many powerful Americans now seem to want history to remember them as brave while still allowing the actual bravery to be performed by interns, lower courts, random citizens, or whichever colleague appears most resigned to career damage.
By sunset, the flock had reached a bipartisan understanding. The country remains full of people eager for leadership. The queue for providing it continues to move with the grace and velocity of a folding table at a church potluck.